Mohawks are not cool

There are a few notable persons in history that are allowed to tote the glorious Mohawk: You not being one of them. The Mohawk dates back to over 2,300 years ago, however, the first Native American tribe to tote the hairpiece was the Wyandot. Many are thought to believe that the Mohawk and Mohican tribes were the first to sport the do, yet this may be false because the French mistook the Wyandot and Huron tribes as Mohawks. Enough with the French; the Mohawk increasingly sought popularity during the mid 1960’s, and has become a part of Punk subculture since.

So basically, you should only have a Mohawk if: (1) Your name is B.A. Baracus, (2) you are a member of any Native American tribe, or (3) you’re a complete douche bag and you listen to punk music (these two go hand in hand). So with that said, if you’re rugby team or whatever kind of gay club you are in wants to shave everyone’s hair into a Mohawk, just think about its past. You’ll never be as badass as Baracus, even though he ain’t getting on no plane. You won’t magically become a savage Indian, nor would you even want to listen to punk.

I’d also take the time to address the faux-hawk, which has evolved from the once-masculine Mohawk to a metro-queer haircut. Do everything you can to avoid this god-awful haircut for god sakes. For those who don’t know: basically you have a regular dude haircut, and you just take hair gel (or semen) and fashion a Mohawk-type style to the already existing hair, no baldness involved. Pretty much don’t do this unless you drink a lot of protein shakes.

 

If you want a haircut that will knock the socks of everyone, go with the mullet or the sideways Mohawk. Don’t be a pussy, too many college kids today are falling into the Mohawk trap, and don’t get me started on the blowout. Creativity is a must, so choose your next haircut wisely.